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Lifted, Ran 2.0 miles, stretched

I’ve never been a big fan of stretching but I’ve recently developed some chronic back pain.  I’ve less recently developed a significant lack of flexibility.  We can blame it on age or whatever but it’s really a lack of activity; a lack of effort.

So the stretching is going to be a critical component to me getting back into peak physical condition.  Maybe I shouldn’t say “back” as if I were ever in peak physical condition.  It’s more like, if I was ever going to get into peak physical condition, stretching would be important.

I simply want to wish you freakish perverts a day of pizza and strippers.  A day where V could stand for vagina, Volvo, eviscerate; really any V word that you want.  May you find as little pressure as I have to participate in the massively marketed event like so many heart shaped lemmings.  Strike out on your own, create new ridiculous holidays and holiday related traditions and then embrace your nonsensical ways because that’s really just like giving your Ego a big hug.  Thus endeth my message of good tidings and poorly replicated olde-timey speak! Go yonder and be yourselves!

• #11 Easy to get friends/family a guest pass to your home gym.
• #12 Flexible hours of operation
• #13 That disgusting smell isnt someone else for once
• #14 you don’t have to fear anyone hearing your flatulence when lifting heavy weights
• #15 Cops won’t be called if you show up nude
• #16 No outside embarrassment from being a pansy little girly man when you can only do 3 reps of something at child-like weight…
  
  Inner disappointment, however, cannot be helped.
• #17 That sweat. The sweat that’s all over the equipment? That is YOUR sweat and if you don’t want to wipe everything down with sanitizer there will be no disapproving glances from pansies afraid of a few germs. Jesus people. Wash your hands before you put them in your mouth and there won’t be a problem!
• #17  Isn’t 17 kind of a reason that the people at your gym want you to go to a home gym?
• #17  Oh… um… Oops I mean, Jesus Christ people! Clean up after yourselves already! Sweat is gross! 
  
  Sanitizing every touchable surface of the treadmill actually does drive me nuts though. I mean, come on.
• #18 When you have the desire to make lewd comments/fondle/tap that ass of the hottie using the equipment over there, she is your wife and could presumably do all three without repercussions…
• #19(a). You don’t have to look at those 2 dozen people that spend every waking moment at the gym, effectively sucking all your motivation to work out because you could probably never be as “in shape” as that…
  
  #19(b). You don’t have to look at those 2 dozen people that have never been in a gym in their entire lives, effectively sucking all your motivation to work out because you could probably never look that bad…
• #20 – gym selfies are less creepy and you are more likely to make an epic fail “look how cool I am/ what I can do” youtube video.

So as I sit here lamenting the fact that once again I’m trying to do this way past my bed time, while I half pay attention to old episodes of Deep Space 9, it has occurred to me that I just haven’t taken enough time out of my day to complain about the weather.

…

G-damn is it cold.

Well, I’m glad I got that out of my system.  Good night everyone and make sure your furnaces are all cranked up to 11…degrees…because that would be warmer than the outside temperature.